Thursday, November 02, 2006

Mother's Dementia

It's times like these when I wish I were a good writer, because there are things I want to tell you, my dear reader, and I can't. I haven't the power of the written word to do the subject justice.

You see, my 89 year old Mother has dementia brought about by several strokes. Her mind, her very essence, is being slowly degraded and eaten away. Just as I don't have the power to properly describe what my family is going through, I don't have the power to help my Mother. I'm powerless.

Powerless in the face of a daemon so powerful, that it can wipe away the bond between Mother and Son, rendering me in her eyes at times no more than a stranger, at others giving me the persona of a long dead relative.

Powerless not to have my heart broken watching her looking out the window, waiting for Dad to get home with the kids. Powerless to console her when she remembers that Dad's dead, and grieves all over again.

Six months ago, my brothers and sisters and I were trying to keep the disease from destroying Mom, but now we're trying to keep it from destroying us.

As you can see, I've been reflecting quite a bit. I'm trying to take a step back, to be quiet, to listen for the beating of Angel's Wings, to see the Wisdom of the Situation.

And the Wisdom that I've gleaned is this. It is that things are as they are meant to be. She who dried our tears will now have hers dried by us, and all will be well.

I often revist the words of St. Paul in his First Letter to the Corinthians, and with this, my dear reader, I will say goodnight:

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things.
For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, even as I was also fully known.
But now faith, hope, and love remain—these three. The greatest of these is love.


At 11:48 PM, Blogger MonicaR said...

Oh CH. Those words from Corinthians are perfect. Geez. Life can be so hard and sad sometimes. God bless you and comfort your mother, your family and you. Here's a ((hug)) for y'all.

At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Alan McDonald said...


My heart goes out to you and your family. My wife loves the children's book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. It is the perfect reflection of love between mother and son. You can read the text here.

Stay well and whole, my friend.

At 9:13 PM, Blogger Tom Tyler said...

I'm very sad to hear about your situation, Chas. Kind of puts my recent moans about my family into perspective, I guess. (Thanks for your comment on that, by the way).

If it's any help to you at all, my mother, brother and I looked on helplessly some 6 years ago, as my Dad suffered and eventually died from Motor Neurone Disease, a condition which is the other way round from that of your mother's (it gradually weakens the body but leaves the mind intact). We had to deal with that as a family over about 18 months or so. We found great consolation and strength in our Christianity, although I don't mean to deny that it was a hard time for all of us. My mother was affected the worst, but her faith in God and prayer got her through it. And towards the end of his life, my Dad, who was not an outwardly religious man, made his peace with God in his own private kind of way.
Looking back on that time, there is still a lot of mystery and unanswered deep questions, such as why did this thing have to be? But I can see a glimpse, just a tiny glimpse of God working things out for good, in all of it.
I hope you and yours will be able to cope and to grow through your distressing time of suffering, too.

At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Patty said...

Hang in there, Charles in Texas. I say a prayer for you, and for your family. (from Patty over at ATW)


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